I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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