So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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