I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
