Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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