She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Congratulations! We have a period
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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