ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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