he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
