So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
