Plan B is the new Plan A
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize