literally had 100 drinks last night.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
