I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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