I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
How naked do you want me to be?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
