I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
