I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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