The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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