I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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