4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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