So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
it's like heaven, but drunker
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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