i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
