Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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