So drunk, too bad you don't want this
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
