You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
