yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
