that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
