She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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