...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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