If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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