how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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