Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
