just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
