Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
