and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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