the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
