Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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