Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
