You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize