puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
