Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
