Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize