i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Mom said you looked used
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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