My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
