She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
