The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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