Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
