i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
