i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
