We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
