Barsexuality is the new black.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
