turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
