Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
