I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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