i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize