Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Screwed.edu
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Pants are for mortals
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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