You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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