Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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