I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
