Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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