My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I need water and some morals
Randomize