Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
