get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
