i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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