Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
