There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
