Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
i just google imaged poop.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
