Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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