Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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