Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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