oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
