i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
