there's paper in my vomit.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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