I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
