So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
pop tarts are not kleenex
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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