I accidentally burped into my bong.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
