The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
