yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
