I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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