That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
