i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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