if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
