and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
