pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
