apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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