You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
